Thursday, July 3, 2008

(The Dreaded) Wedding II Post


Okay, I know you've all been waiting with bated breath to hear more about my wedding day. (I don't really think that. I just like to take every opportunity to use obsolete verb constructions).

But I have had a devil of a time getting started on a more substantial wedding post. Part of the problem is that in my mind I had built this post into The Big One About My Wedding, My Marriage So Far, and What It All Means. Which obviously is stupid, but there you have it. And I just didn't want to write a post like that.

Did you ever read any Douglas Adams? That guy who wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? In high school I was way, way into him. For the less dorky amongst us, I will explain: In one of his books, he has this theory of flying. Basically the trick about flying is to jump off of something really high and not think about the ground. Obviously this is no mean feat, since the ground is pretty much demanding your attention. The only way to not meet up with the ground in a very uncomfortable way is to be distracted by something at the very last second. I think in the books that something was usually like, an alien flashing you with its bizarre genitalia or something. Then, distracted from concern about your proximity to the ground, you would just sort of fail to smash into it, and instead float magically up into the air.

What does this have to do with my wedding/marriage, you ask? GOOD QUESTION. I guess what I am getting at is that I am still a little bit surprised to find that I have floated into this sweet-ass relationship. (I know. Try not to vomit.) And I don't really want to look at the mechanics of things too much, not because the situation is fragile, but because some things are not for the cold, hard tubings of the Interwebs. You know?

But that doesn't mean I can't say a little more about my wedding day.


Remember how I sort of had this lifelong fear about walking down the aisle? (And in fact, as it turned out it wasn't even an aisle; it was a big old bendy staircase that I was navigating in heels and that wicked long dress. So many ways to hurt/embarrass myself!) The idea of all of those people turning around and looking at me all at once gave me the willies, and I was sure I would trip or get the shakes or something. But my dad and I made it down okay, and in fact it was sort of good because once that scary part was over the rest of the ceremony seemed like a total breeze. I wasn't nervous at all, I just grinned right through it.

Anyway, afterwards my dad said to me, "You were actually nervous before we got going. I've never known you to be nervous before!"

Now, this totally blew my mind because I consider myself a pretty nervous person. Or if not nervous exactly, then anxious. And my first thought was, geez, my dad clearly doesn't know me at all. He's obviously thinking of the laid back 5-year-old I once was.

But as I thought about it later I thought, maybe I'M the one with an outdated perspective here. I thought I was going to be all nervous and crazy during my wedding, but I wasn't. So maybe I'm not all nervous and crazy after all. Food for thought, anyway.

Before the wedding I also wasn't sure the ceremony would be very meaningful to me. Does that sound cold? What I mean is, I felt like Mr. Awesome and I had been sliding peacefully into marriage for quite some time, and I was unconvinced that some words spoken over a 5-minute interval were going to feel like The Moment when everything snapped into place. And truthfully, that isn't what happened.

But Mr. Awesome's brother performed the ceremony perfectly, and his dad and sister sang a beautiful duet and made everyone cry. There had been some concern that Mr. Awesome Sr. wouldn't make it to the wedding because of health issues, and he ALWAYS sings at Awesome family weddings. So having him sing for us was even more special. Even my (sometimes jerky) brother read the passage we had asked him to read as if he had read it before. And it was just really nice to look out into the crowd and see so many people who love us all together.

Also, that moment at the end of the ceremony, when everyone you know applauds for you? That rules. Everyone should get to have a moment like that at least once in their lives.

You know what else is pretty cool? The toasts. Seriously, a steady stream of people standing up to talk about how great you are does not suck.


People told me that my wedding would all be a crazy blur that I'd barely remember, and this is already true. I do remember thinking several times during the proceedings that those people were nuts, and that I would certainly remember every single conversation, dance move, and gleeful toddler squeal. Instead, I have kind of a mental montage of love, set to the tune of "Bust a Move."*

Break it down for me, fellas.

*Just in case you were wondering, that wasn't the song we chose for our first dance. We went with "Center of Gravity," by Yo La Tengo. "Bust a Move" probably would have been more memorable for our guests, though, I must admit.


arajane said...

oh geez, hayden, you look beautiful! and your wedding sounds wonderful. i was just at a wedding last weekend and i could feeling nothing but cynicism for weddings and marriage in general, but reading what you wrote has changed my mind all over again. yay, weddings! yay, marriage! yay for you and mr. awesome!

librarianista said...

Aww, thanks neighbor! Let's meet up for a pie and a pint or something soon.

Librarian Girl said...

I was SO IMPRESSED with how you traipsed down those stairs. So graceful!

Make!Do! said...

You don't have to explain your feelings - it's all in your face. You look so beautiful! It's true, the ceremony isn't even really about affirming to each other what you already know - the awesome part is having your friends and family affirm it. Toasts rule. And nice choice of song.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your day and pics. Sounds like a great day!

Karen / ikss said...

what a beautiful bride you are/were!!!! :) Congrats.

Laura said...

i love you, flower.

librarianista said...

Thanks for the kind words, all y'all. :)

kickpleat said...

oooh, you two are so beautiful!