The other day at work, I was riding the up escalator and I noticed a woman above me riding down, muttering to herself.
When we got level with each other, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "YOU CRAZY."
Friday, January 13, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Hey look it's a whole different year
Look at me, doing the new year's meme! I like to keep things timely around here. Tomorrow's post is going to be all about Hermain Cain.
I copied this from D, who helpfully combined a couple of these meme quiz list things and removed some of the dumber questions. Thanks, D!
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
My mind is blanking here. There must have been something. I know, I watched the first two seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation! Good times.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think I resolve every year to clean up my potty mouth. It's going great! (It's not going great.)
Here are my resolutions for this year:
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
5. What countries did you visit?
The countries of southeast Alabama, East Hampton, NY and Provo, UT. And if you don't think those are countries all unto themselves, well, I don't know what to tell you. Visit them and get back to me.
6. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
D said Baby G's birthday. I guess Soren's first birthday was this year, too. I should probably say that.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm. Maybe no one thing, but for various reasons I am feeling fairly happy about my professional life and prospects lately. I'm going to present at a conference in a couple of months--something that is no big deal, but I haven't ever taken the time to do before. And it looks like I'm going to be doing another cool job thing in the spring, which I will tell you about when it's a sure thing.
Also, my child survived another year of my parenting.
8. What was your biggest failure?
There are definitely a couple of long-distance friends that I have been letting down lately. Horrible.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got the flu one time. Woe is me.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets to Hawaii. We haven't used them yet but I feel confident they were an investment that's going to pay off.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
D applauded her friends without kids, and I would like to second that. I love my friends with kids, obviously, and playdates are the best. But we breeders are such a pain in the arse to fancyfree childless people. I really, really appreciate that my friends are so patient with me, and hardly ever comment on the Soren-goo I usually have smeared on my right shoulder.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Lady Edith on Downton Abbey! She is the worst. You start to feel sorry for her and then all of a sudden--nope. She reminds you that she sucks.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Let us not speak of depressing things.
14. What song will always remind you of 2012?
The Elmo theme song.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? happier
thinner or fatter? fatter
richer or poorer? poorer, although this is sort of a matter of perspective I suppose
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
If you wear lots of different tights people might not notice that you only own three skirts.
21. Whom did you miss?
22. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I copied this from D, who helpfully combined a couple of these meme quiz list things and removed some of the dumber questions. Thanks, D!
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
My mind is blanking here. There must have been something. I know, I watched the first two seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation! Good times.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Here are my resolutions for this year:
- Stop using emoticons. (So far, this has been a success, but it's a bit of a struggle. I worry my emails sound too caustic. I'll read them over, then go back and try to rewrite them in the voice of a more pleasant person. It's tough to be a natural jerkface.)
- Be nice.
- Be thoughtful. (I think I resolve some variation of this one every year. Also going great!)
Oh yes. Last summer was a fertile time in my peer group.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Ach, D, why didn't you get rid of this question? Would getting rid of the question be just as jinxy as answering no?
No, nobody close to me died.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Ach, D, why didn't you get rid of this question? Would getting rid of the question be just as jinxy as answering no?
No, nobody close to me died.
5. What countries did you visit?
The countries of southeast Alabama, East Hampton, NY and Provo, UT. And if you don't think those are countries all unto themselves, well, I don't know what to tell you. Visit them and get back to me.
6. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm. Maybe no one thing, but for various reasons I am feeling fairly happy about my professional life and prospects lately. I'm going to present at a conference in a couple of months--something that is no big deal, but I haven't ever taken the time to do before. And it looks like I'm going to be doing another cool job thing in the spring, which I will tell you about when it's a sure thing.
Also, my child survived another year of my parenting.
8. What was your biggest failure?
There are definitely a couple of long-distance friends that I have been letting down lately. Horrible.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got the flu one time. Woe is me.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets to Hawaii. We haven't used them yet but I feel confident they were an investment that's going to pay off.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
D applauded her friends without kids, and I would like to second that. I love my friends with kids, obviously, and playdates are the best. But we breeders are such a pain in the arse to fancyfree childless people. I really, really appreciate that my friends are so patient with me, and hardly ever comment on the Soren-goo I usually have smeared on my right shoulder.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Lady Edith on Downton Abbey! She is the worst. You start to feel sorry for her and then all of a sudden--nope. She reminds you that she sucks.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Let us not speak of depressing things.
14. What song will always remind you of 2012?
The Elmo theme song.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? happier
thinner or fatter? fatter
richer or poorer? poorer, although this is sort of a matter of perspective I suppose
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Lounging on sunny beaches drinking cocktails.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being a complain-y jerkface.
18. How did you spend the holidays?
18. How did you spend the holidays?
On my parents' farm. I have never seen anybody more in love than my parents are with Soren.
19. Did you fall in love in 2011?
19. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes! With Parks & Rec! That show got so good and nobody told me.
20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
If you wear lots of different tights people might not notice that you only own three skirts.
21. Whom did you miss?
My parents--I have new guilt about raising my kid so far away from them. My East Coast friends.
22. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I can do things. Creative things, professional things. Things.
I don't think I stayed sane. Let's add this to the list of goals for 2012.
23. What did you do on your birthday?
I don't remember. Oh my. I'm sure it was lovely.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A housefire.
25. What kept you sane?
I don't think I stayed sane. Let's add this to the list of goals for 2012.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Christmas card greed
Until yesterday, I had been a little bit sad because we had gotten very few holiday cards. I am assuming that this is because everyone sent them to our old house, and the post office, god love them, has stopped forwarding our mail.* (An assumption that is preferable to the idea that everyone just crossed us off their list this year.) It's no big deal, of course; it just felt like the final "Fuck you" from our old house. (Hopefully the final one. That house better leave me alone if it doesn't want its ass burned to the ground.**)
But then yesterday, we got a nice little flurry of cards. And when I got to work this morning, a lovely little bottle of Maker's Mark was waiting for me. Could a person have better friends and coworkers? No, a person could not.
I seriously am like, one of the top seventeen luckiest people around. Sorry to go all Christmas sappy on you, but facts are facts and as a Scientist of the Library, it is my duty to report them.
*I'm not really complaining. I know the the P.O. has its own problems.
**I wouldn't really burn that house down, federal government. I understand that some ladies live there now and I'm sure they're very nice.
But then yesterday, we got a nice little flurry of cards. And when I got to work this morning, a lovely little bottle of Maker's Mark was waiting for me. Could a person have better friends and coworkers? No, a person could not.
I seriously am like, one of the top seventeen luckiest people around. Sorry to go all Christmas sappy on you, but facts are facts and as a Scientist of the Library, it is my duty to report them.
*I'm not really complaining. I know the the P.O. has its own problems.
**I wouldn't really burn that house down, federal government. I understand that some ladies live there now and I'm sure they're very nice.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A fun Christmas game for the whole family
Lately whenever I see those inspirational sayings on church signs, I have been finishing them with "in your butt." Sort of like the "in bed" thing with fortune cookies, you know. For example:
"A gift is not a gift until given [in your butt]."
"Mary wrapped the first Christmas gift . . . isn't it time you accepted it [in your butt]?"
"A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck to its job [in your butt]."
See?! It's magic. This is my holiday gift to you--one that will keep on giving. You're welcome.
"A gift is not a gift until given [in your butt]."
"Mary wrapped the first Christmas gift . . . isn't it time you accepted it [in your butt]?"
"A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck to its job [in your butt]."
See?! It's magic. This is my holiday gift to you--one that will keep on giving. You're welcome.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
spiked
I have been of two minds about the current holiday season.
Mind #1: Pretty stressed. Flights to the deep, deep South? Expensive. My relationship with my brother? Complicated. Plus, I feel like every year, I have at least one epic Christmas Fail. Last year, there were two; one involved gift giving to the in-laws, and the other was that I somehow did not send a Christmas card to my uncle, who is one of like three people who would actually give a shit about getting one.
These are the things that make my stomach hurt in the middle of the night.
On the other hand, there is
Mind #2. Which can't help but be delighted by how delighted Soren is about Christmas. For example, we got our tree almost a week ago, and he still hasn't gotten over the fact that there is a TREE inside our house. Also? It has lights on it! He points them out to me every morning. "Light! Light! Light!"
On the subject of the main in the red suit, he was less enthusiastic. I believe his exact words when placed on that lap, screaming as if in agony, were "MOMMY! MOMMY! PLEEEEEEEASE!!"
So, I am trying to be the normal human and let Mind #2 be the winner. It's mostly working, aided by spiked egg nog and a little bit of Vince Gauraldi.
Mind #1: Pretty stressed. Flights to the deep, deep South? Expensive. My relationship with my brother? Complicated. Plus, I feel like every year, I have at least one epic Christmas Fail. Last year, there were two; one involved gift giving to the in-laws, and the other was that I somehow did not send a Christmas card to my uncle, who is one of like three people who would actually give a shit about getting one.
These are the things that make my stomach hurt in the middle of the night.
On the other hand, there is
Mind #2. Which can't help but be delighted by how delighted Soren is about Christmas. For example, we got our tree almost a week ago, and he still hasn't gotten over the fact that there is a TREE inside our house. Also? It has lights on it! He points them out to me every morning. "Light! Light! Light!"
On the subject of the main in the red suit, he was less enthusiastic. I believe his exact words when placed on that lap, screaming as if in agony, were "MOMMY! MOMMY! PLEEEEEEEASE!!"
So, I am trying to be the normal human and let Mind #2 be the winner. It's mostly working, aided by spiked egg nog and a little bit of Vince Gauraldi.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
preemptive nostalgia
Soren is so magic right now. There are a lot of interesting people in the world, but I must tell you that I believe the vast majority of them are eighteen months old. Every day, new words! Dozens of them! New levels of understanding about the world! New loves and hatreds! New tantrums to throw! It is an exciting time.
I'm sort of nostalgic about the time we're having with him right now, even though it is still happening. I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of stages that I really enjoy but this one has brought home to me why every parent thinks their kid is a genius--all 1.5-year-olds are geniuses. (Well, most of them. Let's not name names.)
Things he loves: being outside, reading books ("Bookies!" I have no idea where that came from, I swear), Elmo, naming things, bathtime, Julia (his daycare provider), Daddy, and Mommy. (It's true, I am super popular. I think it's because of my good looks and sparkling wit.)
Things he does not love: getting dressed, coming inside, diaper changes, waiting for his breakfast to be ready (HE HASN'T EATEN IN LIKE 12 HOURS HE'S STARVING TO DEATH ABUSE ABUSE OMG), getting into his carseat, transitioning from book time to bath time, naps.
Apples are okay though.
I'm sort of nostalgic about the time we're having with him right now, even though it is still happening. I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of stages that I really enjoy but this one has brought home to me why every parent thinks their kid is a genius--all 1.5-year-olds are geniuses. (Well, most of them. Let's not name names.)
Things he loves: being outside, reading books ("Bookies!" I have no idea where that came from, I swear), Elmo, naming things, bathtime, Julia (his daycare provider), Daddy, and Mommy. (It's true, I am super popular. I think it's because of my good looks and sparkling wit.)
Things he does not love: getting dressed, coming inside, diaper changes, waiting for his breakfast to be ready (HE HASN'T EATEN IN LIKE 12 HOURS HE'S STARVING TO DEATH ABUSE ABUSE OMG), getting into his carseat, transitioning from book time to bath time, naps.
Apples are okay though.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Not part of the plan
Number one teen book to never ever read: Halo, by Alexandra Adornetto.*
"An angel is sent to earth on a mission. But falling in love is not part of the plan."
*Seriously? Adornetto? Oookay.
"An angel is sent to earth on a mission. But falling in love is not part of the plan."
*Seriously? Adornetto? Oookay.
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