Monday, December 19, 2011

Christmas card greed

Until yesterday, I had been a little bit sad because we had gotten very few holiday cards. I am assuming that this is because everyone sent them to our old house, and the post office, god love them, has stopped forwarding our mail.* (An assumption that is preferable to the idea that everyone just crossed us off their list this year.)  It's no big deal, of course; it just felt like the final "Fuck you" from our old house.  (Hopefully the final one.  That house better leave me alone if it doesn't want its ass burned to the ground.**)

But then yesterday, we got a nice little flurry of cards.  And when I got to work this morning, a lovely little bottle of Maker's Mark was waiting for me.  Could a person have better friends and coworkers?  No, a person could not.
I seriously am like, one of the top seventeen luckiest people around.  Sorry to go all Christmas sappy on you, but facts are facts and as a Scientist of the Library, it is my duty to report them.

*I'm not really complaining.  I know the the P.O. has its own problems.
**I wouldn't really burn that house down, federal government.  I understand that some ladies live there now and I'm sure they're very nice.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A fun Christmas game for the whole family

Lately whenever I see those inspirational sayings on church signs, I have been finishing them with "in your butt."  Sort of like the "in bed" thing with fortune cookies, you know.  For example:

"A gift is not a gift until given [in your butt]."
"Mary wrapped the first Christmas gift . . . isn't it time you accepted it [in your butt]?"
"A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck to its job [in your butt]."

See?!  It's magic.  This is my holiday gift to you--one that will keep on giving.  You're welcome.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I have been of two minds about the current holiday season. 

Mind #1:  Pretty stressed.  Flights to the deep, deep South?  Expensive.  My relationship with my brother?  Complicated.  Plus, I feel like every year, I have at least one epic Christmas Fail.  Last year, there were two; one involved gift giving to the in-laws, and the other was that I somehow did not send a Christmas card to my uncle, who is one of like three people who would actually give a shit about getting one.
These are the things that make my stomach hurt in the middle of the night.

On the other hand, there is

Mind #2.  Which can't help but be delighted by how delighted Soren is about Christmas.  For example, we got our tree almost a week ago, and he still hasn't gotten over the fact that there is a TREE inside our house.  Also?  It has lights on it!  He points them out to me every morning.  "Light!  Light! Light!"

On the subject of the main in the red suit, he was less enthusiastic.  I believe his exact words when placed on that lap, screaming as if in agony, were "MOMMY!  MOMMY!  PLEEEEEEEASE!!"

So, I am trying to be the normal human and let Mind #2 be the winner.  It's mostly working, aided by spiked egg nog and a little bit of Vince Gauraldi.