Friday, August 3, 2012

best day

Today on my lunch break I went to Nordstrom to get fitted for a bra.  I have never done this, even though I'm a grown-ass woman and I've seen the Oprah about you really have to because you're definitely not wearing the right size and you OWE it to yourself to be comfortable AND look great. Plus Tim Gunn has been on about it for years.

Here is the thing: I honestly don't feel bad or embarrassed about having small boobs. Even so, the idea of being gently guided into the Juniors section ("We have some very sophisticated items in this department now") bummed me out. I was anticipating being told that I couldn't shop at the big girl store.

But guess what?  I actually needed a cup size bigger than what I've been wearing--which is two cup sizes bigger than what I thought I was going to get.  I was so delighted that I had to stop myself from buying every bra in the store.

Afterwards I called R. 

"Guess WHAT? I'm a B-cup!"
"A B-CUP!! I got fitted for a bra and my boobs are really big."*
". . . . Okay."
"This is the best day of my life and I wanted to share it with you!"

*I know a B-cup is not really big.  But it is really big compared to AA-cup, you must admit.

Friday, June 15, 2012

C is for something or other

The six people who read this blog must be the nicest folks on earth.  Thank you for your kind words.  They meant a lot.  I'm feeling better.  I'm not really sick of my job so much as myself in my job?  Something like that.  But I felt a new surge of work-related energy this week.  I didn't get to take full advantage of it, because I had to stay home again with a sick Soren, but still.

That is the other side affect of all this terrible weather (aside from the mild but relentless depression, I mean)--constant sickness.  There has not been a moment for weeks (months?  I'm not sure) when at least two members of this family have not been oozing something disturbing from somewhere.  Soren's ailments have included a bacterial infection of the eyeballs (what?! ew.) and some sort of throat thing that was not herpes but was similar to herpes and again, ew.

However!  The sun is out today, and it is my day off.  I've spent almost all of it outside, which feels like an accomplishment even though nothing (aside from a little weeding) has actually been accomplished. It's amazing what a few short hours of daylight can do for a person. 

Soren and I took a walk early this morning, and then had a playdate with two moms and their sons who we met on the street in front of our house a couple of weeks ago.  It was really nice--they were very friendly, sweet kids, all that stuff.  This would have happened in our old neighborhood exactly NEVER.  As you may recall, the couple next door had a baby a few days after I had Soren, and they spent all their time just trying not to make eye contact with us.  The idea of a playdate did not come up.  And it wasn't just them; nobody on our block ever spoke.  This neighborhood doesn't even have sidewalks, but everyone's out and about as much as possible, chatting it up with everyone else.

There is a semi-housebound old woman next door who keeps making giant plates of delicious cookies for Soren.  The kindness of this, and the effort it must cost her, almost break my heart.  I don't really know how to sufficiently say thank you, so this afternoon after nap we'll go over there with a bag full of lettuce from our garden and a thank you note that Soren has scribbled on. Somehow this doesn't seem to cover it, but I'm not sure what would (that is within my limited abilities).  I'm open to ideas if you have any.

By the way, I was not wrong about getting fatter--I weigh four pounds more than I did just a few weeks ago.  I am going on a diet called the Stop Eating So Many Freaking Cookies Diet.  If it works, I'm going for a book deal.  Watch for my blog post tomorrow about all the cookies I'm not eating.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


I can't sleep.

I think I have the blues, as diagnosed by Holly Golightly. "The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long."  That about covers it.  My gym is closed this week and it just rains and rains.  I sit inside all day, staring at a computer screen, getting fatter.

I'm sick of my job, and sick of living someplace where I'm supposed be grateful for any day in June that the temperature manages to creep out of the 50's.  But mostly I'm sick of myself and all of my dumb opinions.  I'm thirty-six.  When am I going to learn to shut up once in a while? 

I know I'll feel better when the sun comes out, which is absolutely scheduled to happen possibly maybe sometime next week.  Temperatures could soar up to 63! 

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Eye herpes

I'm finished with teaching that class to the baby librarians. It was fun, and I would do it again, now that we've got a syllabus and lesson plans and lectures and everything. But man, it took a lot out of me.  How do people do it, those people who regularly work 60 hour weeks?  First I got a cold that lasted for weeks, then an attractive cold sore, and now, for the big finish: eye herpes.

Yes, you read that correctly--eye herpes.  It is a thing, and I have it.  I know that there are lots of things more depressing than herpes of the eyeball, but I can't think of any of them right now.  I had the cold sore (which is still kind of scabby and gross--you're welcome!), and then the cold sore migrated.  And here we are.  I should be taken out back and mercifully put down before my entire face disintegrates.

What's that, you no longer wish to discuss the rapid decay of my facial features?  Very well.  Though you wouldn't know it by looking at me, I am fresh back from a four-day weekend that was lots of fun.  We went to a cabin in the woods with lots of friends and babies and dogs, and I ate and drank and lost and lost and lost and finally won at cornhole.

Friday, April 6, 2012


Today is ruling it.


1.  Great news about my niece (she's healthy).
2.  Great news about my friend (she got an awesome new job).
3. It's Friday.
4. I have pleasant plans for the evening.
5. I'm off work this weekend.
6. It's sunny. 
7. It's supposed to continue sunny for at least one more day.
8. Which is good because we're taking Soren to an Easter egg hunt tomorrow.  (I predict hilarity.)
9. That new pub in our neighborhood finally opened, and we went, and the food was good.*
10. Birthdays!  Happy birthday, D. 

*They seem to still have a few kinks to work out in terms of stuff like having enough clean coffee cups for everyone, but I am willing to be patient.  They never seem to run out of pint glasses.  So they have their priorities straight.

Monday, March 26, 2012


This morning in the children's room I was helping a woman find books when she turned to me and said, "I just didn't expect that there would be so many children here at this time of day."

Really?  At 11 a.m. on a Monday?  Because most three-year-olds should have jobs, presumably.


We saw The Hunger Games last night and I was so amped up afterwards that I couldn't sleep.  (I liked it, by the way.  Lenny Kravitz was surprisingly good and not annoying. Woody Harrelson was unsurprisingly annoying and not good, but I was able to ignore him and his equally annoying hair.)  I tried to use Jane Austen to lull me to sleep via the tranquil English countryside, but it didn't work.  Which is too bad because I'm teaching my first class tonight.  Right before class, I may have to employ a trick I learned about on a podcast I listen to:  running around in circles yelling "ENERGY! ENERGY! ENERGY!" followed by a shot of tequila.

Or, you know.  Just the tequila.*

*I'm just kidding, I would never do a tequila shot right before a class; the students would probably smell it on me.  For professional situations, vodka shots are the only way to go.

Friday, March 23, 2012

So long stupidface

R and I got some really good financial news today.  Not winning the lottery or anything (I still haven't ever bought a ticket--I'm convinced that's the only thing holding me back from massive wealth).  Basically, we thought were going to have to pay a bunch of money for our old house, and we don't.  The bank lied to us, turns out.  I know I'm an adult and I should realize that people lie and institutions especially lie, but it still surprises me.  "The truth ain't in 'em," as my father would say.

But anyway, the point is, we are really, completely, totally broken up with that stupidface old house.  Good riddance, house.  Suck it.

And!  The new family-friendly pub/brewery is FINALLY opening in our neighborhood!  I realize for most people this would be an "oh that's nice situation," but when you live in a semi-struggling neighborhood like ours, it's huge news.  Who wants to come hang out with us there? 

And!  It's sunny, I'm off this weekend, and I'm going to a football match* my sister-in-law, who is also my close friends.  How many people are as lucky as I am?  Not too many.

*I believe you Americans refer to it as "soccer."

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Grown up job stuff

So internet, did I tell you I'm teaching a class this spring?  True story.  At the university's library school.  Co-teaching, actually, starting Monday.  I am not exaggerating when I say that the hiring process at Chuck E. Cheese was more rigorous than the one for this job. The library school hired me on the strength of my friend's recommendation, a hastily thrown-together resume, and blind faith.  (Presumably they also remembered what a shining star of the program I was as a student.  I set that place on fire with my book talks, ya'll.)

Still, I'm excited.  This opportunity combines a couple of my favorite things: teaching and money.  (And young adult books, which is what we'll be teaching.)  It's been many years since I graded any papers, so I have a little bit of anxiety about that.  As I recall, the rule in library school is that everyone gets an A unless you completely fail to show up.  Then you get an A-.

What else is happening?  At the conference I just went to, I gave a presentation with a couple of coworkers who are also, luckily, friends.  In retrospect there are things I'd do differently of course, blah blah blah, but overall I think we did well.  The City Librarian came to our talk, and apparently has been talking it up to the managers as good stuff ever since he got back.  So we couldn't have sucked completely.

In only tangentially related (in a young adult books kind of way) news, are you so excited about the Hunger Games movie?  Of course you are. R and I are making it our Annual Moving Outing!  See you again at the movie pictures in 2013.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Baby monkey riding backwards on a pig

So I went to a conference for a few days, and when I came back, my kid was completely grown up. Sorry to go all doting parent on you, but let's face it, this blog isn't good for much these days so it's not like this is much of a trip downhill. 

Recent developments:

1. He knows the whole ABC song.
Okay, sure, it's not like he knows his letters.  But still.  Before I left last week he got lost somewhere around "pee-cue-are-ess . . ." and now he knows it cold.

2. He makes up stories.
A typical story:  "A monkey in a tree!  With Baby G!  And maybe D?  And S!  And maybe a lion?  And maybe a effant?  And a doggie. Woof! In a TREE." 

3. He has a lot of very specific entertainment requests.
Mostly songs he wants to hear.  But he wants to hear songs about particular animals, on demand, so if you can't think of one right away you just have to make something up. "Monkey song!  Lion song!" R had already figured out songs to match most of these requests (although his response to "monkey song!" was this, which I now have in my head at all times, waking and sleeping). 

But now Soren will request songs for whatever object he sees:  "Window song!  Stroller song!"  I'm getting better at thinking up rhymes on the spot, but it's a challenge.

Friday, January 13, 2012

It takes one to know one

The other day at work, I was riding the up escalator and I noticed a woman above me riding down, muttering to herself. 

When we got level with each other, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "YOU CRAZY."

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hey look it's a whole different year

Look at me, doing the new year's meme!  I like to keep things timely around here.  Tomorrow's post is going to be all about Hermain Cain.

I copied this from D, who helpfully combined a couple of these meme quiz list things and removed some of the dumber questions.  Thanks, D!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

My mind is blanking here.  There must have been something. I know, I watched the first two seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation!  Good times.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think I resolve every year to clean up my potty mouth.  It's going great!  (It's not going great.)

Here are my resolutions for this year:
  • Stop using emoticons.  (So far, this has been a success, but it's a bit of a struggle.  I worry my emails sound too caustic. I'll read them over, then go back and try to rewrite them in the voice of a more pleasant person.  It's tough to be a natural jerkface.)
  • Be nice.
  • Be thoughtful.  (I think I resolve some variation of this one every year.  Also going great!)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Oh yes.  Last summer was a fertile time in my peer group.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Ach, D, why didn't you get rid of this question?  Would getting rid of the question be just as jinxy as answering no?

No, nobody close to me died.

5. What countries did you visit?
The countries of southeast Alabama, East Hampton, NY and Provo, UT.  And if you don't think those are countries all unto themselves, well, I don't know what to tell you.  Visit them and get back to me.

6. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

D said Baby G's birthday.  I guess Soren's first birthday was this year, too.  I should probably say that. 

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Hmm.  Maybe no one thing, but for various reasons I am feeling fairly happy about my professional life and prospects lately. I'm going to present at a conference in a couple of months--something that is no big deal, but I haven't ever taken the time to do before.  And it looks like I'm going to be doing another cool job thing in the spring, which I will tell you about when it's a sure thing. 

Also, my child survived another year of my parenting. 

8. What was your biggest failure?

There are definitely a couple of long-distance friends that I have been letting down lately.  Horrible.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I got the flu one time.  Woe is me.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to Hawaii.  We haven't used them yet but I feel confident they were an investment that's going to pay off.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

D applauded her friends without kids, and I would like to second that.  I love my friends with kids, obviously, and playdates are the best.  But we breeders are such a pain in the arse to fancyfree childless people.  I really, really appreciate that my friends are so patient with me, and hardly ever comment on the Soren-goo I usually have smeared on my right shoulder.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lady Edith on Downton Abbey!  She is the worst.  You start to feel sorry for her and then all of a sudden--nope.  She reminds you that she sucks.

13. Where did most of your money go?

Let us not speak of depressing things.

14. What song will always remind you of 2012?

The Elmo theme song. 

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? happier
thinner or fatter? fatter

richer or poorer? poorer, although this is sort of a matter of perspective I suppose

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Lounging on sunny beaches drinking cocktails. 

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being a complain-y jerkface.

18. How did you spend the holidays?
On my parents' farm.  I have never seen anybody more in love than my parents are with Soren.

19. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes! With Parks & Rec!  That show got so good and nobody told me.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

If you wear lots of different tights people might not notice that you only own three skirts.

21. Whom did you miss?
My parents--I have new guilt about raising my kid so far away from them.  My East Coast friends. 

22. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I can do things.  Creative things, professional things.  Things.

23. What did you do on your birthday?

I don't remember.  Oh my. I'm sure it was lovely.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A housefire.

25. What kept you sane?

I don't think I stayed sane.  Let's add this to the list of goals for 2012.