Meme-muh-rific!

I feel bad that my first two posts on my shiny new blog have been so whiny. I've had blogs before, and they were much more upbeat, honest. I had an hour and a half long massage last night, though, and I am now totally primed for positivity, if not amazing insights.

For now, though, please to enjoy this meme, flagrantly stolen from the Lass.

Five things I don't get:

1. Dancing with the Stars
Seriously, why did people watch that show? Do we really need to see more of Marie Osmond? More to the point, do we really need to see more of Donnie Osmond doing commentary about Marie Osmond's dancing skillz on Entertainment Tonight? No, we do not.
2. Plastic surgery.
It won't help. Just ask Meg Ryan.
3. American Gladiators
Did you know this show is back? Do you know why?
4. Republicans
5. Strip malls

Five things I wish I had more of:

1. Time
2. Money
I mean, since you're offering. Although this is not nearly as important as #1.
3. Steely reserve
4. Clothes
5. Hair
Actually, this should maybe be #1.


Five of my least favorite words or phrases:

Like, that I use? Because I could like, totally fill this one up with just my own awesome vocab.

1. Literally.
I know, I know, I'm a nerd. But it drives me crazy when people misuse this world. You aren't "literally" freezing cold, nor are you "literally" so happy right now, because there is no figurative sense in which you could be happy. Just trust me.
2. Any corporate/Microsoft gibberish, such as "Let's take this offline in a sidebar" or "What's the roadmap for the go-live productdrop to be featurecomplete?"
3. "Chill out."
Screw you, man. I AM CHILL. Now go away before I EAT YOUR BRAINS.
4. "Missy"
From a library patron, referring to me.
5. "I'm sorry you took it that way."

Five famous people I've spoken to in person:

I've pretty much got nothing for this one. How sad for me. When I see famous people, my modus operandi is generally to point and stare, followed by giggling. The celebs love it!

1. Most of the Shins
2. Most of Modest Mouse
3. A bunch of teen authors and a few minor rock stars
4. Seriously, I think that's it.
5. Boo.

Five things I do almost every day that I don't particularly enjoy:
1. Wake up the homeless.
I don't know why, it's just a compulsion I have. I kid, I joke! It's all in the line of duty.
2. Go running.
3. Clean the cat litter.
4. Wash dishes.
5. Wait for the bus.
Baby, it's cold outside.

Five things I have done that may sound like lies:
1. Been an assembly line foreman(woman)
2. Won an award for Best Handwriting
Only shocking if you've seen my handwriting.
3. Designed and taught college writing courses, just like a real professor!
Many of the students even learned something.
4. Grew up on Pleasant Valley Road, just outside of Rainbow City, Alabama
Doesn't that sound like a good place for unicorns to frolic? Plus, I have a great porn name.
5. Slapped a boy right across the face during a high school class, and received no repercussions.
He had it coming.