I get on my bus at the very last stop before it expresses its way downtown, so it's usually pretty crowded and I have to stand. Today was no exception, but then a cute young African American guy behind me offered his seat. Normally I decline seats, but today I thought, what the hell? I'm tired and I'm carrying a breast pump. So I thanked him profusely and sat.
An older Asian lady noticed this exchange and said, "Oh, what a gentleman! You're a gentleman, aren't you? Such a gentleman. You want to get married? Let's get married!"
A middle aged white guy broke in at this point. "MARRIAGE IS A BROKEN INSTITUTION. ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS."
The poor kid. "I think I'm probably too young to get married--I'm just eighteen. Maybe after I finish college."
"No problem!" said the lady. "I have a PhD, I take care of everything! You never worry. We get married."
And then the white guy took it straight to crazy: "OH LADY, YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT? WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE THE CHANCES I'LL BE THE NEXT KING OF ENGLAND?"
Erm . . . yeah.
As we cruised into downtown, the white guy explained to the kid that he should make sure to get a prenup. He himself was due to come into twelve hundred dollars of his parents' money, he said, so it was important for him to make sure that no gold-digging lady could get her hands on it. The kid should do the same before his impending marriage to the older lady. The kid promised to take that into consideration.
In the end, I kind of wanted to marry that sweet polite kid myself. After he got off the bus, the older lady turned to the woman next to her and said, "Oh no, he's gone. I guess we don't get married. Well, that's okay. He was a little too old for me."
"Yes, I need to get one younger so I can train him. You know what I train him to do first? Suck toe. Start with little one, go to big one. Suck one by one."