I know, I know--I promised you stripper clown, and got your hopes all up, and then I just went AWOL. And you were all, "Where the fuck is our stripper clown!? We have been robbed!" And I don't blame you.
So here goes.
My kind friends Annie and Lula* volunteered to throw a wedding shower for Mr. Awesome and me. It was a karaoke shower, actually--they rented the machine and everything--and it was fantastaic. But anyway, before the shower, Anie and I were talking about showers/bachelor/bachelorette parties, and their vast potential for being either boring or really, really creepy.
"Yeah, strippers are pretty creepy and stupid," said Annie. "The only thing creepier? Clowns!"
"For real. And the only thing creepier than clowns would be, like, some kind of stripper/clown combo."
Annie: "STRIPPER CLOWNS!!!"
And the idea of stripper clowns was born. For some reason, nothing is funnier to me than stripper clowns. I don't know why. Perhaps I am stunted in some way. Annie and I riffed on this idea for weeks:
"It would be great if the clown was like, a totally sad clown!"
"Yeah, with those giant pants and rainbow suspenders! And when the music starts, he removes one rainbow suspender . . . then the other rainbow suspender . . ."
"YES! All to the tune of 'Send in the Clowns'!!"
I talked about it to pretty much everyone I know. (Pop Culture Librarian asked if the clown would wear honkable pasties. HONKABLE PASTIES! That is comedy gold, people.) However, it never occured to me that Annie might actually hire a stripper clown for our shower.
So, guess what Annie hired for our shower?
Sensitive readers may want to spare themselves the grand finale . . .
*Some names have been changed to protect the clown fetishists.