Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Disentigration of the Plan

Remember the noble Plan? Not going so well. Mostly this is because I am a big fat crabby complainer, but there are a few external reasons as well.

Such as:

1. The weather.
Remember when I made that list of Most Suck Months, and I put March as #3? What a fool I was. March sucks THE MOST, by far. Sure, it stays light a little longer, but who can tell when it's pouring down rain? This month has been exactly like January, only windier. March can bite me. Screw you, March.

2. The patrons.
I get it, Public. This large, terrifyingly modern library is hard to navigate! The elevators take a long time! There's no bathroom on this floor! The escalator has weird art in it that you don't like!

But here is a tip for you: I did not design this library. Nobody asked for my opinion. If they had I would have put a bathroom on this floor, if not for your convenience then certainly for mine. So walk off in a huff if you must, but know that I TOO AM HOLDING MY PEE. And I hold it every day, so suck it.

Also, I KNOW that isn't a service dog. But at least you're not trying to pass off a "service rat," so I guess I should count my blessings.

3. Actually, that's about it.
I've been trying to come up with a number 3, but the only other stuff that is making me act like an asshole is wedding stuff, and who wants to hear about the rental price of napkins? Nobody, that's who.

On the bright side:

1. I keep getting emails from Obama with the subject line: "Dinner Invitation."
He's so into me!!! I should probably get a new outfit and maybe some eyeshadow. Wheee!

2. I finally found some shoes that seem comfy enough to walk in all day in Europe, yet also compatable with sundresses. They are somewhat ugly, yes, but they have patented negative heel technology, designed by a Danish yogi and guaranteed to improve your posture AND give you totally toned legs in 20 minutes or your money back!!!

3. I think this whole getting married thing is really a pretty good idea. I'm feeling good about it.

So there you have it, more positives than negatives. A little listing always brings me round.


Librarian Girl said...

A list in response:

1. This weather can KISS MY GRITS.
2. Obama is totally into me too. What a hoochie he is.
3. You forgot to mention that your shoes are the "upper echelon" in Mary Jane's! It says so right on the description. You so fancy.

Itzie said...

So... about those shoes... did you already buy them? And if so, have you already walked around outside in them? If not, I have something that I should tell you. If it's too late then, uh, they look fabulous!

Lass. said...

Ya know, Lloyd Dobbler can suck it. Sure, he looks all cute holding the radio over his head but you know at some point all that earnest positivity is going to make you want to stab him. Crab on, m'lady!

librarianista said...

Oh, go ahead and lay it on me, Itzie! I have already worn them, but I think I can handle it. I actually ordered about 100 pairs of shoes (consecutively) through Zappo's, but none of them worked, so I sent them all back. Then finally I spent an hour in a "European" (e.g. "old lady walking") shoe shop the other day, trying on every single pair they had, and settled on these.

So even if these fall apart, I have the comfort of knowing that if there is something better out there, it is apparently beyond my reach.

Anonymous said...

I have had a pair of those shoes for 6 or 8 months now and I love them, but I have had other pairs by the same company so I am used to the way they fit. And they look great with everything.

itzie said...

Ok... well, I have a pair of those - lovely red ones. I adored them, I found them comfortable, and I did a lot of walking in them. Then, one day I had to walk/run down a hill to catch a bus and I blew out my knee. Basically, the negative heel helped hyper extend my knee in the wrong direction. I had to go to physical therapy for a while. My PT suggested that I not wear those shoes anymore because though they are good for your posture, they are not good for your knees and other joints. Moral of the story - be careful when walking or running uphill or downhill in them.

librarianista said...

Ouch! That really sucks, Itzie. Thanks for the tip--I'll take it slow.

Katherine Klose said...

Late to comment friend Rhonda (also a librarian--we're like termites) has TWO pairs of your shoe of choice and they are, for a fact, choice. She loves them, although I begin to sense that itzie does not. Aaah, that explains it, Rhonda is not a runner unless she's being chased by an aggressive and unappealing stranger. So great shoes and happy wedding, so exciting! Best, Katherine (life-my-way from ancient Dland)